So you married your best friend, now what? The vows have been said, cake has been cut, and now your rings are starting to establish a permanent tan line. When you are married to your soul mate you want to keep things fresh and build intimacy for the long and short term. A healthy soul mate marriage keeps growing and evolving, sometimes through strife and often times through fun and bonding.
Here are three ways to keep the love, connection, and passion throughout your marriage.
1) Share some hobbies.
The couple who sweats together, stays together. That goes for thinks together and feels together too. Have a weekly yoga and meditation date. Go to the local chess playing championships together. Join the local chapter of Mensa together if you are both brainiacs. What did you have in common when you were dating? A love of good wine, a fondness for old movies, capitalize on those interests and try some new ones too. Spend time doing things together outside of the house to remember who you each are and the social and intellectual reasons you were attracted to each other.
2) Find meaning together.
Sit down together and brainstorm what gives your lives meaning individually and as a couple. Talk about what opens your heart and gives you an expansive feeling of emotion. Share that part of yourself with each other. Look at if there are any concrete ways you can experience meaning or heart opening doing something together. This could be attending a Buddhist ceremony for peace. It could be volunteering at an animal shelter. It could be spending fifteen minutes together in quiet vigil sending healing thoughts to an ill family member. Share the experiences that have deep meaning with your soul mate spouse.
A great soul mate marriage is connected and in tune. Both people feel close to each other and intimacy keeps building throughout the marriage. Being present to each other is the main way that can happen. Listening. Paying attention to your partners life and moods. Here is an exercise you can do with your spouse every week to foster feelings of intimacy and well being in the marriage.
The Triple Infinity Technique
This technique is loosely adapted from Taoist spiritual practices.
Have your guy sit cross-legged up against a wall with several large pillows behind his back. This can be on the bed or a clean carpeted floor. Have him reach behind his back and raise the pillow up off the floor while you slip into his lap and wrap your legs around his back. He can then let the pillows go and lean back.
You should be sitting so the front of your bodies are flush together from base to chest. You can place a pillow under your backside as needed for comfort. Embrace and relax.
As you hug each other let your minds become quiet – like you are meditating together. Notice each other’s breathing. In time, bring your attention to the three key areas of the body:
Low abdomen area
Center of the chest or heart center
The “third eye” area between the eyes encompassing the center of the forehead.
Feel each area in turn and notice the connection between you in each area. Feel it. It may feel like pulsing or tingling. Let there be a gentle feeling of an infinity symbol in each of the three areas. Lazily circling between your bodies, hearts, and minds.
Let this practice be a relaxing part of your time together that you both look forward to amid the strength and connection of your soul mate marriage.
I think you should also check out the interview I did with Mali and Joe on “The Soul Mate Experience.”